Broken Song
by FireFlower77
Summary: There Is No Music Without Her... This short drabble story is mostly a stream of consciousness in Edward's POV. Set during the weeks of Bella's pregnancy, follow Edward as he watches Bella wither away in her attempt to carry Renesmee to term.
1. Broken Song - Part One

**"** **Broken** **Son** **g"**

~ Edward's Point of View ~

Her fragility is made more obvious by the hour, she weakens in front of me and I can't stop this! Each breath she takes sounds strained, painful, something as simple as breathing takes a toll on her when that should not happen. And it's so hard to just stand by not being able to do a damn thing!

This impasse we're in weakens me to an intolerable degree. Her suffering is my suffering and I feel completely debilitated by the pain. What she wants is madness! And all I want is for her to live, for if she dies my existence is over, my _life_ is over. All I'm left with is wishing I could take all of it upon myself and not being able to.

I wish I could run, a part of me wishes to never have to see this, but I can't, and it wouldn't change anything, nor solve anything; I cannot allow myself to be selfish. And yet I am, I want her with me!

Does she know she's acting selfishly? That's surely what it feels like to me, that she's taking herself away from me, from all those who love her, and I can't bear it! Then again, never in all these years have I found someone so incapable of selfishness. So does it really count as that? She's sacrificing herself… for _it_.

She tries to take our minds from worrying, as if this wasn't anything of consequence. While she's awake _she_ is the one who's trying to make this easier on _me._ She keeps hiding and denying her own fears –she just won't admit to them, stubborn creature that she is.

But for now she sleeps, a restless sleep with shallow and irregular breaths.

She probably knows it too well, that this is a losing battle, but instead of self-preservation she chooses that _thing_! She will persistently tell me she can make it, that she'll be fine.

While my eyes rest on her, my fingers tangle themselves in her hair, her beautiful mahogany hair…

A sigh escapes my mouth, and suddenly I feel her eyes on me, how long will she be awake this time? As if answering the question she drifts to sleep again, as quickly as she woke up. My eyes are locked on her, and I find it more unbelievable than ever, in all the time I know her, that even in these circumstances her love is boundless. How can I ever deserve her?

She's my light, my air and my home. She is everything.


	2. Broken Song - Part Two

There is also what _Jacob_ said, how he immediately understood.

 _"Jeez, she's running true to form. Of course, die for the monster spawn. It's so Bella"._ I heard it in his mind then, and I still hear it in my memory now.

I cannot make myself understand why. Try as I might, I can't come up with a logic explanation for why she does this. But then, when is anything related to my Bella ever logic? Well, logic to me anyway, or logic to anyone else for that matter. Her thought process is hers and hers alone. In a way it goes hand in hand with her heart, and in the end, who am I to even attempt to judge?

I should have foreseen how she would react from the first moment though, since we left the island, and not have to hear it from Rosalie! Her, least of all! And while I can't understand why Bella is doing this, and wonder why she had to ask Rosalie for help, it does not matter, the need to protect her is as big as the fear of not understanding, if not bigger.

And here's where the most difficult challenge arises: How can I protect her from herself?

How is it that her regard for her own life is this meaningless to her?

While the struggle rages on in this silent heart, my eyes rest once again on hers and then I see it, that faint smile... she smiles at me, smiles at me for crying out loud! Faint as it may be, she gives her smile to me, and with it, all that she is; her kindness, her tenderness, her innate goodness, all the distinctive characteristics that make her the amazing girl that she is, all of the things that I discovered early on, before she knew I loved her, even before I myself discovered my love for her, all of it: she gives to me. How will I go on without her?

The answer is simple. I won't. I will not survive if she doesn't.

How can I dare hope to survive without my heart?

Living, even existing without her is useless.

About that, with Bella I learned that I can _live_ and not just exist; going through the motions. Bella has taught me that I _have_ a soul, that it is _not_ lost, and if I move and breathe and feel and love, it is my soul the one that allows me all of that.

The sort of sustenance that most creatures on this earth need may not be what sustains me, though I may need something else entirely, there is some energy that's impossible to explain, or at least I can't, and it flows through me, and her love has taught me to believe that it being different to most, it doesn't make it any less of a miracle.

Blood may not run through my veins anymore, though it is what I need to live. But whatever force is at play so that I can _be_ , it too is on its own, a gift. And however different from a human, my _humanity_ has always stayed with me, it was never lost, I managed to ignore it for a while, and sadly this is the origin to many of my regrets. But bringing it back to the surface was all Bella's doing.


End file.
